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A young woman felt disrespected whenever her boyfriend looked at nude magazines, went to strip clubs, or watched internet pornography. Quite often his behavior remained hidden, but he would admit to it if his girlfriend confronted him. He continued doing these activities even though he knew it disgusted his girlfriend and caused her to feel undesirable. She also suspected he was masturbating when he was over the internet, but he would never admit to that.
Masturbation is a common practice among pornography enthusiasts. Hiding the activity can be due to others’ objections; conversely, one deep-seated reason is probably due to shame. Even the most liberal person has some amount of embarrassment concerning sexual activities. It’s really a core belief system which is taught to us by our parents during our formative years. Parents with traditional values teach their children that A) sex is for marriage between a male and female, and B) pornography is bad, avoid it. When children are raised in a more permissive family system they might develop sexual ideas that may cause them problems down the road, since the majority of people have a conventional outlook on sexual conduct. Sometimes a child’s environment becomes terribly destructive should they are sexually abused. This leads to endless therapy when they become adults. (While you know, our prison system houses many sexual predators.)
Sexual activities in all forms produce a myriad of conscious feelings and additionally a multitude of sub-conscious thoughts. Since most of our behavior is guided by our sub-conscious, our actions can be challenging to understand. People often spend months in therapy examining their conduct before they get to the root of their behavior. Once they finally reach the underlying source, the most frequent reason for involved in pornographic activities is fear. Surprised it wasn’t sex? Plenty of people think pornography (from the mildest to the most explicit) will be close to sex. Though it may appear that way on the outside, internally it really is all about fear. This really is because fear is just one of the most powerful motivating forces lurking within the human psyche. Our society tells us we have to look, act, smell, and think in a particular fashion so that you can have the one thing we crave the most: intimacy with another person. Look at the marketing and advertising world: Sex is a huge product seller, and then for what reason? So somebody else will think you are worthy of their affection! People who do not have “it”, what ever It really is, great adult content do not measure up. Because of this, we have been forced to search out different ways to feel good.
Most individuals who participate in pornographic activity are living in anxiety about intimacy. It’s much easier to have a relationship with a picture than to look someone straight within the eyes and express deep feelings. The trust factor can be overwhelming to someone who is fearful. Any behavior which is thought to be unacceptable only causes more fear and hiding. The tension can destroy a relationship. Therefore, what do you need to do? Provide the person some space to relax. Focus on the qualities you admire, and ignore what you don’t like. Express gratitude for the excellent you see in others (you may always find it if you look hard enough). Allowing people to be who they can be will create an environment of love and acceptance, which in turn will offer a safe atmosphere where others can share their true emotions. This might feel awkward at first, because we have been conditioned to look for negativity. On the contrary, with commitment and patience, the outcome are well worth the effort. The practice of allowing others to be who they may be will reduce stress and bring joy into your lives.
