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    You could shake your head with painful memories of large dollar amounts lost, and swear on a stack of Bibles that you’re going to never again be foolish sufficient to engage in a shoot-out with the One-Armed Bandit, but who are you kidding? Maybe, with a little luck, you will be able to resist the call of the slot machine for a number of weeks, perhaps even a month or two. But you know damn well that you’ll be back for a rematch at some time. You can’t just let that Bandit win so effortlessly, can you? No way.

    It’s just a machine, after all, with a “brain” comprised of wires and microchips. You, then again, are a living, breathing entity with the capacity for critical thinking and self-reflection. If humankind is to possess any hope at all in surviving the global war against machines that surely will come some day, we would better at least be able to beat the slots. Think of the matter in this sort of sweeping historical context and you will see that it’s not simply a choice but an obligation that you can get back on the horse without delay.

    Before launching on your noble quest in defense of humanity, it would be wise to review some basic information and arm yourself with five crucial tips to success.

    You could not realize that the slot machine passes by different names in overseas nations. For example, in the United Kingdom, it’s called a fruit machine (no jokes about British drag queens, please.) In Australia, the slot is described as a “poker machine,” which is much more confusing, but what can you expect from a culture that gives outdoor grills the name of just a little girl’s toy? (Let it sink in for a minute, you definitely will get it.)

    Anyway, traditional American slot machines are coin-operated and contain three or more reels, which spin when a lever on the side of the equipment is pulled. The machines include a currency detector that validates the cash inserted to play. The machine typically pays off according to patterns of symbols visible when the reels stop.

    OK, enough for the description. Fundamentally, onto those tips which were promised several paragraphs ago:

    Become intimately familiar with each slot machine’s payout schedule. Two identical slot machines will often have radically different payouts. This matters, people.

    Look for advertised slot machines offering 96-98% paybacks. Most casinos usually have several banks or carousels of high percentage payback slots, and this is where you should play.

    Join the casino players club wherever you gamble regularly. Casinos reward players for money and time spent. Even when you do not hit the jackpot, you might still receive comps like meals, discount hotel rooms, as well as other perks.

    This certainly will be a no-brainer, but only play the slot machines you may afford and only spend cash you can risk losing. Seriously.

    Walk away when you are losing and become irritated. Playing online slot betting machines is supposed to be an enjoyable pastime, not just a source of ulcer-inducing frustration. When it’s no longer fun, go get a drink and some fresh air.

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